Ah, It's been a while, a long while.
Before I head to my bed and have a good night sleep before my exam tomorrow, there's something i need to get out of my chest. I don't want to carry this thought into the exam hall.
Every relationship, every friendship, or just about every human to human interaction contains a level of doubts and....mystery. Ah I'm not too sure if mystery is the right word, but I couldn't think of any better word right now.
There is always a certain level of....holding back when comes to whatever the other person is saying or doing. Yes, I do not 100% believe in believing in people for 100%. Be it your friends, your best friends, or your partner. ( I do not state family because family is more subjective than what I have just stated. So it varies for different individual.) Sometimes, the other party is telling something, but you yourself knows deep down it's the other way around. It's sort of like an instinct, telling you whether it's right or wrong. There is nothing wrong for holding your own opinion strongly, even at times you're wrong. That's what make every individual unique.
What is hard to believe...is why denies the truth? Why twist things around?
I do not know. Somehow it's just...plain sad to know this is true. Human, always looking at its own best interest and ignore how other's feel. Hell, who wouldn't do that right.
Ages ago, A friend of mine and I made a pact. We had to 'break' ourselves in order to find out the truth. That's how desperately we wanting to seek the truth. It was hard to lose a friend, but it was harder to acknowledge the truth. I guess sacrifices had been made and it's all history(Not exactly) now. In the end it's like a scar, it's not painful or itchy but it's there.
What I'm trying to say is...the higher your hope, the worst you gonna get hurt. Yes I do know it's not a good thing that I can't trust/take someone's word wholeheartedly but you can't blame me for what I've been through. I would definitely get better in time(I swear) but in the mean time I feel more comfortable with my own thoughts.
Thus far in 2008, I've learned a lot. I've seen enough yet more to come soon. I've met new people. It's still me, with a better improvement(in some ways). One of my good friend's recent departure to Dubai for work had made me realised my friends around me are just a handful...really a handful. I felt lonely at times, but it is times like this that makes me stronger. I have more time to self-reflect, thinking of the past(not all the time) and try to make improvements for my future. Of course I do hope my life could further improve in a lot of ways, but currently i'm not doing much to make that happen. I promised myself I would seize all kind of opportunities to make it a reality.
